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[personal profile] lostakasha
Finally signed up on tumblr to try and keep a journal of our relocation to San Francisco! And other weirdness. Probably NSFW from time to time, knowing me!

If you'd like to please, please follow me there:


Trust me -- it's worth it for the Misha-Vonnegut-Georgia O'Keefe banner I made.I think my graphic skills are slowly retuning!

(no subject)

Date: 2011-11-04 08:49 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] sinkwriter.livejournal.com
It's gorgeous. You did an amazing job on that banner. *tips graphic hat*

Question: do I have to join Tumblr in order to follow you? *GRIN* No judging, just asking. You're one of the few that I would want to read and follow, were I to join. ;)

If I may say so, this really got to me:

I do my best to give mom the details without chafing at her phrasing. Not one for nuance, her queries hit me like bricks that I’m tempted to volley back twice as hard. Which, of course, I did for many years until something in me finally broke and I realized I was lobbing bricks at a worn, tired and perpetually disappointed woman who loved me wholly (and, I suspect, despite herself) and deserved so much more than her own sadness thrown back in her face. Chalk it up to growing older, maybe following the Dalai Lama on Twitter, or just having had enough therapy. I don’t really know. What I do know is that I think before I speak to her for the first time in 20 years. And it helps us both.

You're amazing, because I know how incredibly difficult that is. I'm still working on learning that, in therapy. This week my therapist called me 'fucking judgmental' in regard to something I said about a family member, and while that really hurt, underneath it all his meaing struck a chord with me because what he went on to say was, Why worry so much about their behavior? Why not realize that if they can't realize that their behavior is what's ruining relationships, then that's their problem. All I can control is my own reaction. All I can say is, 'If that's how you're handling it, that's up to you, but I choose not to participate.' I'm starting to 'get' that now, but I'm not quite there yet, because my first reaction to him trying to convey all that to me in therapy was for me to say, "But I have to at least TRY to communicate with this other person, to let them know that they're being ridiculous or hurtful. Maybe they don't realize it and they'd adjust accordingly if I just said it the right way." But the truth is, it may not matter no matter how I say it. I just have to stop wanting so badly to fix things. But I'm not there yet.

So I salute you so hard for all the work you've been doing and the journey you're undertaking, not just with your mom but in traveling to California and starting something new there. I think it's wonderful and you and D are brave and brilliant. Good for you. :)


(no subject)

Date: 2011-11-05 12:32 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] lostakasha.livejournal.com
You are incredibly sweet. Thanks so much...the work is working, at last.

You're not alone in your deep desire to be understood. That's been my whole bag, since I was old enough to actually get that I might be misunderstood. The odd thing is that being so invested in making yourself clear can make actually being understood really hard. :) I used to pummel everyone with my explanations of my perspective -- and in my family it wasn't appreciated because they were all cool with being not-so-deep and just couldn't understand why I would get so wound up. And I thought that if I swung the hammer hard enough I could break down the walls and...well, let's just say after about 35 years of doing that I started to suspect that there weren't any walls. No there there, you know?

A hella therapy helped me see that was true. And now I'm getting what your therapist is suggesting to you -- that our families choose their behaviors, too. They don't want to see? Okay -- we can't make them. Besides, we shouldn't try to make them. They're responsible for that.

All that said, it hurts like hell not to try, doesn't it? What a tough lesson to learn. And you, my friend, are brave to step up and try to change, make your life better.


Jeez, I need to write you!

And yesh, you have to follow tumblr. I bet you would make a kick-ass page!!!

(no subject)

Date: 2011-11-05 01:25 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] a2zmom.livejournal.com
Hello! Hello! Hello!

(no subject)

Date: 2011-11-05 02:29 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] lostakasha.livejournal.com



How the hell are you?? Oh, you're HERE!!!

::::runs to your LJ:::::
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